Saturday, September 02, 2006

Feeling bummed, but bouncing back stong

I was bummed out this week from my school pretty much sucking all around. Here’s a long winded explanation as to why:
Lately it’s been seeming like I don’t even exist at the school. I show up to teach, but in between my classes I am almost always the only one in the teacher’s lounge. I know for a fact that the other teachers are somewhere other than the classrooms for a good portion of the day, but I don’t know where. On the rare occasions when another teacher is in the lounge with me (other than at chai break, when everyone suddenly appears), hardly ever does a conversation ensue. I used to have one good buddy who would sit in the lounge and talk to me about anything, help me with Swahili, and who showed some interest in doing a secondary project. He left last month because he got into university. The only other teacher that has made conversation is also leaving after midterm break to go to university.
To throw a little salt in that wound, somehow even though I’m in the teacher’s lounge all the time, I’m never told anything about what‘s going on at the school, for example: I usually find out about meetings after they have started. Or I’ll learn my classes are cancelled on my way to teach them. On top of the feeling isolated during work, in 8 months I have yet to be invited over by anyone at the school for a meal, chai, a celebration or just to hang out after work. I have been making efforts to reach out to the other teachers, but I just don’t feel like a part of the school community. I feel like if I just snuck into my classes to teach and then hit out the rest of the week, no one at the school would miss me.
The last straw was after I proposed some great ideas for secondary projects for my school, and the enthusiasm level of everyone else was just above zero. I just don’t know what else I can do to try to integrate at the school.
Now after school I go eat and usually go into town, where the difference is like night and day. In town I have many friends who are engaging and receptive. They start conversations, they ask me questions. They ask where I have been if I haven’t been by in a couple of days. I have a few friends in town who probably know as much about my work as the rest of the teachers do combined. I often get invited to tea and meals with friends in town. People in the town are interested in doing secondary projects with me, even if they don’t always relate to PC goals. Most of all, I feel welcomed and appreciated in town, and I feel like the people are glad to have me here. That isn’t something I feel at the school.
So I spent this week at Jen’s house, for her Birthday on the 30th, and partying. On top of it all, my phone just up and died on Thursday for no reason. But I vented to my friends and hung out with the new PCVs, which was good. I’ve come to the conclusion that even though teaching is my primary assignment, my sense of achievement, accomplishment and appreciation are going to come out of side projects, and that’s OK.

Friday we went to the disco and danced up a storm, then Saturday we took a car down to the Ruvuma river and saw hippos and Mozambique. It was amazing. By Monday, I was feeling recharged and more enthusiastic about teaching. Incidentally, none of the other teachers noticed that I hadn’t been around.

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